A Food For Thought!

        Food, food, food; there has always been hocus pocus on our food. Veg – Non-veg; Indian – Continental; North Indian – South Indian; Keto diet – Paleo diet and such criteria fill up our list of considerations before we decide what we are eating for dinner. And still, we are deficient in one or the other vitamins. The king of deficiencies is Vitamin D. It happens when we don’t eat enough sunlight for breakfast. I feel numbness in my hands. It’s because of Vitamin B12 deficiency. I can defend myself though. I am a vegetarian; that too no onion and no garlic. Bengali and vegetarian don’t come on the same page. But I happen to be both. For me, the criterion is always *anything* without *ONION AND GARLIC*. Because of this, my life is filled with bittersweet memories of eating out. Once, we visited South India. We took a tour of the prominent tourist spots there. In one of the lovely cities, we placed our order for dinner before going out for sightseeing. My father, Baba specified that we are strict vegetarians. That wasn’t a problem for them because they don’t serve non-veg. My father added that we don’t eat onions too. The manager was a little surprised but took our order and somehow (in strict broken English) communicated that it will be ready by 9 pm. We enjoyed our evening and returned to our hotel quite late. Our food was served then. We could smell a foreign masala combination. On asking what was that smell, the manager gleefully replied that it was that of garlic. He asked the cook to add garlic to our food as we did not eat onions so that we could cope with the tropical hot weather (he was a kind and considerate man). We did not know whether to laugh or to cry. We did not specify garlic. For us Bengalis, both onion and garlic are considered as aamish (not veg); both of them are not used on specific “Niramish din” (veg days) across all Bengali households. We told them “no onion”, they understood “no onion and no garlic”. And that’s how we have been operating till then without any problem; but not that day. We were tired and hungry. We had food in front of us and yet we could not eat. We did not have the liberty of ordering something else because the kitchen was closed for the day. The poor manager was feeling terrible at our plight. He never faced such a situation in his life; just like us. Baba apologized for creating the confusion and asked him to relax. The trouble around food isn’t new to us, he added to make him feel better. At last, we ate rice with curd and salad and retired for the night. From that day onwards, we quipped our quote and upgraded to “NO ONION AND NO GARLIC”. This happened back in 1996. 

        Years rolled by. I was giving a treat to some of my school friends after I landed up with my first job. The restaurant was new and became popular amongst us. Anything new appealed youngsters, no matter how much we quacked ‘old is gold’. Whatever, we went there and made ourselves comfortable. My friends were mostly male (read boys). Our table was filled with laughter and fun; some PJs too. There came the moment of placing the order. I was dreading that moment (for emphasizing NO ONION NO GARLIC of course). When the waiter came, I told him about my food choice, and he, after confirming with the chef, assured that they could provide me with my kinda food. The boys started giggling first and then making fun of me to make me feel all the more conscious. After my turn, the rest of my friends placed their order. Jokingly, they added ‘NO ONION AND NO GARLIC’ after every food item, even the non-veg ones (to tease me of course!). After placing our orders, we went back to our chit chats. Reliving the school memories has an enchanting effect on time; we didn’t realize how quickly the time passed, both in our lives and in that new restaurant. Our food was ready to be served. The waiter served me first, as my specifications were different. Then he served food for the rest of my friends. We started our dinner. My food was good. I started relishing it. There were murmurs around the table. The food tasted weird, they complained. They called the waiter again and asked what was wrong with the food. What we heard blew our minds. All the items were prepared without onion and garlic. The waiter did not take the “NO ONION AND NO GARLIC” tags jokingly. He made sure even the non-veg items were made without them. I was about to roll on the floor laughing seeing the expression on their faces. I felt pity for them. Poor chaps! They cursed me for that evening, for a long time since. But am I to be blamed in the first place dudes? I am still laughing remembering almost a decade-old incident.  

        Fast forward it today. My son is in the first grade. He is having online sessions due to the lockdown, so we both attend his classes; he sitting in front of the screen and me standing near the counter of my kitchen. The other day they were having a session on the different food habits of people. The teacher mentioned food items and the students have to indicate if they were vegetarian or non-vegetarian. After the activity was over, she went on to explain that we all should respect each other’s food preferences and habits. It may so happen that we don’t eat what our friend is eating, but we must not make fun of it. We should be open to other’s choices and respect them. The talk was very informal and short; even deep for first graders, but it seemed to be a life lesson to me. I remembered an incident from my childhood. I accompanied my mother for vegetable shopping. The veg and the non-veg sections were not separate in the market. I held my nose to block the (foul) smell when Ma was picking vegetables. When she noticed this, she asked me to put my hand down. I did. (I wish my kids were this generous to me when I try to discipline them in public! Sigh!). Later, when we got into an auto-rickshaw to reach home with our supplies, Ma asked me why I was holding my nose. After I told her that the fish smell was burning my nose, she explained, that ‘foul’ smelling fish is someone else’s food. Insulting the fish meant insulting the food of that person. And insulting someone’s food isn’t a good or polite thing to do. If I did not like the smell, I can sit at the steps of a small temple nearby the next time we went vegetable shopping. I just heard those words, but I never thought it deeply. I never opposed my friends and asked them to just mind their own ‘plate’. Yes, I did feel bad most of the time, but I made sure that those so-called 'funny comments' didn’t impact my morale or morals. But, when I got an opportunity, I must have done some pranks along with others to demean ‘uniqueness’ or ‘being different’. attributes of others. We often mock around people with whom we find some dissimilarity from our preconceived notions or the stereotypical beliefs. Should we not take a leaf from the book of a first-grader and start embracing differences with respect if not with love! Let this be the food for thought for all of us, even if it is not-so-palatable.

COVID-19 AND I

        Today is 22nd August of the year 2020. A year we all will remember for all the wrong reasons. The Covid-19 outbreak and the subsequent lockdowns all over the world have changed the way we have been living our lives. The fast-paced urban life came to a pause. We all are stuck in our abodes to contain the infection. The more we stay indoors the better, they say. But the count keeps soaring despite that. I am not going to delve more into why this happened and what could have been done to tackle the situation better, but I am about to express my observation and learning from this pandemic.

1.    I have always been a homely person. I keep busy with my hobbies that I find it difficult to leave my home to run errands or anything else, especially hobby classes for kids. It wasn’t difficult for me to cope up with the home-alone condition. But, I thought my kids would find it difficult especially when the schools are closed, the parks are closed and the outdoor visits have completely stopped. To my utter surprise, both my 6 yo and 3 yo never showed any sign of distress because of this. Rather, they coped better than many of us adults. They never even threw tantrums. This made me think. What do kids want? A secured homely environment!? Weren’t we able to provide that all these years? I have tried my best to be with them. Wasn’t that enough? I then realized my husband was never home for these long hours at a stretch in a day. They mostly found him away from home for his work commitments. The weeks went by like a tornado; the weekends were busy with stuff other than the office. Bank and post office related work and social commitments ate away the peace and solace of the family time during weekends. We missed the essence of simple living. Kids don’t need anything fancy. They need simple things; family time, love, and belongingness. When we as a parent fail to provide that and try to fill the void with superficial things, problems start to sprout. I had read a lot about it but this pandemic allowed me to experience this myself. It was an eye-opener.

2.    We have advanced technologically so much that we don’t need to step out of our homes if given a choice. Starting from grocery to green groceries, we can fetch everything at the place we put up. Have we turned out to be more self-centric and lazy because of that? I don’t want to get into that debate right now (probably some other time). This technology and advancement have helped us to manage this pandemic a lot. Also, my husband, who is a dedicated workaholic, who always needed to go to office despite being in the IT sector for having a peaceful work environment, could manage well working from home. I couldn’t help smiling to myself. The same person, who used to go on and on describing how difficult it is to work without a work station, now sits on a cushion and works cozily from a corner of our kids’ play area. He does not seem unhappy despite all the commotion and chaos of our home. Hmmm…. How time changes and how beautifully we adapt to the changing times. Without adaptability, the evolution itself would not have been possible. Then why, we always fear when a change is near! Why can't we embrace it?   

3.    My son’s school started their online classes from mid-June. I was skeptical about the entire program. How hard I have tried to not to let them get hooked to screen; now all will go in vain. After the classes started, he managed quite coolly. Not only that, he learned how to log into his classroom and how to do simple functions on the app like muting the device or switching off the front cam. It took him only a couple of days to attend the classes independently. I was awed. Indeed, a child is the father of the man. A child can do things smoother than an adult human. Why? Because they do without doubting. They do because they have to do and so they learn it sooner. They are free from apparitions and presumptions. I wish them to be like that forever; filled with childlike enthusiasm, positivity, and zeal.

4.    We used to enjoy a meal out every week. And this had become a trend in our family. So much so that, my son started to pitch in and suggest where we can go the next weekend for lunch/ dinner. This sometimes bothered me that it might affect our health. But I didn’t let this thought disturb me much because of the fun we associated with this family time together. The lockdown had put a stop to that. We feared to eat anything that wasn’t cleaned and sanitized in front of our eyes. This was a boon in disguise. We started seeing the positive picture in this. We now know what's getting into our system. Family time is already in abundance, and by God’s grace I can cook a variety of food, so we stopped missing those guilt trips altogether. Starting from chats to pizzas, paranthas to pulavs everything was cooked at home and we all relished them wholeheartedly. It did increase my work and obviously, the luxury of food being served by someone else went out of the window, but seeing my folks licking the dishes clean is very satisfying. I learned that I can survive cooking and cleaning the dishes 24x7 if that gives me happiness and satisfaction. What makes me happy? Happy faces around me make me happy (also, if anyone volunteers to do the dishes for me).

5.    Another important thing that this pandemic made possible is to lead a maid-free life. Yeah, I was dependent on my two maids. I never thought I have to live without them, but thanks to COVID-19 I learned that I can do this too. Also, I get time for almost everything. My routine has improved, and my days are more productive (a topic for another day). I started this blog, I do yoga every day, and I can spend time with my kids for their curriculum and activities. So, my efficiency has improved. Shall I keep my maids again? Well, I have a lot of time to think about it. They are not coming anytime soon, given the current situation.

6.    Earlier, I kept complaining about how less time my husband could save for us as a couple. He is an amazing father; a near-perfect family man. But as a woman, quite naturally, I longed to spend a couple of moments alone with him. I blamed him for being inconsiderate. My constant cribbing might have turned him insensitive, and he stopped responding to such comments altogether. This lockdown put us both under the same roof indefinitely. I could see how tied up he remained with his office work. I had to force him to take a break for his meals or snacks. He also noticed what a herculean job it is to manage the kids and household systematically. We both started appreciating each other's contribution to our family. We stopped complaining. We had built the habit of seeing what wasn't there in our bag, instead of being happy for what we have. This pandemic has turned us more empathic and humane towards each other.

        Now, coming back to my opening lines for the year 2020. Others might term this as jinxed, but my family life has improved during 2020. Thinking from a broader perspective also, the pandemic has done a few goods to our planet and its other creatures. Because we humans were all locked up in our homes, many animals and birds could roam freely on our streets. The pollution levels have come down and the air quality has improved. Although many of us have been impacted adversely because of COVID-19 and in no way it is insignificant, I can't stop seeing the silver lining behind the dark clouds (probably because of the mindful yoga sessions). Every situation has two aspects, and when we start seeing the positive ones prominently, then our lives appear to be more beautiful and worthy. Life may throw peanuts at us, but can't we make a snack out of it to relish?

How Blogging Started

        When I look back now to write something about my life, everything seems blurred. My life as a child, as a student or as a corporate employee seems less significant now because of all the fun and excitement that I am experiencing now as a mother; a mother of two chimps. Does that make me a chimp too? I don’t care much because the journey is quite fulfilling. The challenges of a mother can only be appreciated by another mother. And I know it perplexes many of my friends when I say I am doing good taking care of my children. “Oh! How you manage two of them alone?” “Don’t you miss being alone and free?” “How come you are happy leaving such a job and sitting at home?” These are the comments I mostly get to hear when I meet “friends” after a long time along with the oh-the-poor-thing look. I won’t say that such questions didn’t affect me. They did. They surely did. I questioned myself about the decisions I made in my life. The choices I made for myself made me look like a fool in front of my “friends”. I felt crestfallen. I felt small. I felt negligible. Before I could sulk more, two pairs of little arms came around me and made me realize that in no way I am small. In no way I am negligible because for these two little souls I am the source of their being. Oblivious of my predicaments, they kept complaining about their toys. (The wheel of the tanker isn’t moving and one eye of the toy dog popped out). I smiled. Then I had a realization. (But before that I had to fix the toys obviously). I realized who I really am. I am that timid girl who chose a stream very different from the one chosen by all of my friends. I am that overprotected girl, who despite having all the options to be in the cocoon chose to pursue something away from home, alone. I am the girl who faced adversity for being different than the mass but never settled for anything less deserving or by compromising my values. In many ways, I hadn’t pleased my peers then. I had a blast then and I am having a blast now. I chose to be different not because I liked attention or something. I chose the route that seemed right to me. I chose to be a mother first when my son was born 6 years back. I knew it would be challenging. But I wanted to embrace motherhood tightly with both my arms. In no way I made a wrong decision because I know; I had a tremendously good time with them growing inch by inch in front of me. I made such memories of pure love affection and belongingness that if I had missed any bit of it, I would have regretted my entire life. All the pain of parenting gets compensated by the perks. The hugs, the cuddles, and the sloppy kisses just erase all the hardships. If I am taunted again by any of my friends about the “sacrifices” or “losses” I have made because of my children, I know now how to just smile and move away. I am happy because I have spent the happiest years of parenting with my kids when they needed me the most.

        I called a very good friend of mine the other day. We talked after ages. We were catching up. Then he suddenly asked me what I was doing. I told him very positively about my life and he seemed genuinely happy listening to me. It felt good. It felt uplifting. Then he asked a question which no one asked me before. He asked, “Okay, what are your plans for the future?” I was like…..blank. He told, “Your kids are growing. Its lockdown now, but things will change soon. Have you thought anything about what you are going to do when they both will spend more time at school?” I wasn’t prepared for that. He continued, “Look, I am happy for you and I don’t want to spoil your time, but nothing lasts forever. Your kids will grow faster than you imagine. They will demand privacy after some time. It comes as a shocker for many when they have to let their kids go to pursue their dreams. I don’t want you to be trapped in that. You were so talented. I am sure you still are. Don’t forget your other side. Build something which will remain with you.” Seeing me perplexed, he said,” Hey, I am not asking you to join the job that you were doing back then. It was high paying undoubtedly, but it will demand the same kind of commitment. I know that’s not possible now. What I am asking you to do is start looking at yourself other than a mom. I know you are much more than that”. I nodded to myself. After he hung up, I sat down to think. From morning to night, I am committed to my family. How can I manage something for my own? Where is the time? Then my husband pitched in and supported my friend. Indeed, I am lucky to have him to be a silent pillar for all my decisions. I decided to start something, and then the idea of blogging dawned into me. I used to write journals since childhood. Why not continue doing it on a different platform and in a systematic manner!? And that’s how this blog came into being. I shall portray my thoughts, life events, home décor, and organizing tips, sure shot hacks, religious views, DIY projects, loved recipes, books, and movie related views and everything else that makes my life whole. I have been a whole-time mother for the last six years. What made this journey better shall also come here. So yes, a few more Gyan on parenting too, but that would be my fundas as a hands-on mother and not from some parenting book. 

        So, this blog can be considered as my third child; the child who has been created to be with the creator forever. The creation will reflect the rumblings of my mind, which never settles for mediocrity and always striving to rise high.